Many people have been checking in on me after my ex-fiance called off our engagement. Some assumed I was the one that called it off. Others assumed that he called it off because I had pushed him into getting engaged to begin with. Some figure it was cold feet and he’ll come crawling back. Other are just waiting with baited breath for me to crack and start being a bawling mess again. All very interesting points of views.
It’s been a month and it feels like 10 years have passed. The Siris that was planning a wedding and starting a family with 3 children isn’t the one writing this today. How did I get here? How is it possible that I’m not furious with him? How is it even possible that I’m not only not mad at him, but grateful and considering continuing creating a different and new dynamic with him?
The short version? Access Consciousness® tools. I used them to dig myself out of the pathetic, drama-congested, emotional mess I was in, one moment and one choice at a time. I’m still choosing. I’m still choosing every day to NOT let all the projections and expectations of others, the stories (mine and others), and the memories of the past stick me in other people’s realities nor in the past.
I let myself cry. I still do.
I let myself scream. It’s better out than in.
I also let myself dance and laugh.
I let myself go out with friends or stay in a watch a movie.
Whatever would be nurturing to my body. Whatever and whoever would be fun and a contribution to what’s true for me, I continue to choose. I choose me. All of me.
3 Tools I Used to Pull Myself Out of the Muck:
1. I asked myself, “What’s right about this I’m not getting yet?” Not just once. Again and again. You know what? More and more things that were right about his choice kept coming up to my awareness.
It created such a space of gratitude to him and to his kids for being in my life. Gratitude that he chose to call it off before we got married. Gratitude that I got to know his children and will continue to contribute to their lives, just in a different way than before. Gratitude for his courage.
2. I asked, “If there was no form, structure or significance to us being engaged or having chosen to be in a relationship before, what would I choose?” There’s so much weight, pressure and expectation people place on weddings and getting married. I didn’t have that before I got engaged and yet I was catching myself making it a really big deal the story of how it was his idea to get married and we didn’t have to have gone on this path at all because I never needed to get married and blah blah blah.
Yes AND that’s still a story that I was replaying over and over to try to make the shift significant and to figure out where I had cut off my awareness instead of just having my awareness. What am I aware of now?
3. I asked, “What would create the life I truly desire faster than I could ever imagine?” I got to create and choose and ask more questions and create some more and choose some more! I created more webinars and collaborations while pulling myself out of the craptastic telenovela I was living than I had in a long time!
I got to add even more fun, nurturing, kind people to my life and the businesses that make me money. I got to demand more of myself and be willing to receive more from everyone, including those that were projecting and expecting me to fail, breakdown or cut all ties with him and his kids.
I called into the Access Consciousness® Voice of America Radio Show. If you didn’t catch it, you can listen to the replay HERE. Megan Hill and Andrew Gardella facilitated me out of the last bit of the story I was clinging to that I mentioned above and I’m so grateful to them for getting my head out of my ass about the control and story I was functioning from.
The idea for the Breaking Off Your Engagement to Limitation Sessions came from my discussion with them. It’s not only about breakups and relationships even though it can be.